I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
