She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
