shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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