I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
