Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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