I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
