You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
