put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
