Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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