Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
