Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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