i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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