The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
