I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
