so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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