I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
