the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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