I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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