we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
