remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
