Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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