I want to have your abortion
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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