Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
