Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
