How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
