I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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