finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
