I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
