Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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