One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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