He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
