dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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