You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
