White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
