So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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