I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
