hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
