high people should be assigned attendants
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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