I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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