wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
two words: eviction party
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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