I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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