Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
