There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
