Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
