I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
