You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
