Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
