Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
