I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were trust falling into bushes
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
