Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
