apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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